With Guiliani Aboard, Are There Now Two, Three or a Thousand Stooges?

Well, despite running a 2016 presidential campaign akin to a fallen soufflé, Jeb Bush got something right. Remember the Republican primary debate in which Bush declared that Donald Trump was “great at the one-liners. But he’s a chaos candidate. And he’d be a chaos president.” Enter Rudy Guiliani, stage right, as the White House’s new legal point man in dealing with Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation–and more. In last week’s Fox interview of Guiliani, Sean Hannity clearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing when the more became the matter of hush money paid to Stormy Daniels with apparently the president’s knowledge.

But, oh, wait: Guiliani needs to learn to “get his facts straight” Trump then informed us.

The new, latest round of subsequent media interviews by Guiliani has solved nothing, of course. How could it be otherwise when the “facts” are something Guiliani admits “we’re still working on,” like a script you’re constantly rewriting in hopes the entire episode won’t turn out to be a flop, or worse, a disaster of historical proportions. “I can prove it’s rumor. I can’t prove it’s fact.” That’s one garbled statement. Another on-air answer this past weekend trailed off into saying a previous statement by Guiliani himself was actually, instead, “one of the possibilities of one of the rumors.”

In contrast, the nonverbal message being communicated by Guiliani was crystal-clear: fear. Here’s a man with his eyes bugging out, to go along with an occasional gulp or a mouth twitching wide in a display of anxiety about as well handled as a drunken man trying to hold onto a wet bar of soap in the shower.

The old Guiliani mostly showed combatant disgust, with a raised upper lip (see the left image) to ward off his critics. But now he’s simultaneously closing his eyes, unable to punch his way out of a paper bag. Truth be told, it might all be so funny—like a scene from The Three Stooges—if it weren’t all so sad and dangerous. With one eye on Erdogan’s ever-tightening grip in Turkey, with the other I’m watching a serious, madcap farce playing out here at home. Guiliani is but the latest, inept addition to a cast of grafters (Scott Pruitt) and henchmen (Michael Cohen) that makes Trump’s boast of engaging in “truthful hyperbole” only half true most days.